Tired of hearing the truth? No problem! All you need is a swig of this special Oil of O’bama and you’ll rid your brain of all those unwanted facts! Don’t be fooled by my supporters telling you we have this in the bag…they’re just sayin’ what they’ve been told to say. A couple of swigs from this Oil of O’bama helps the lies just slide off their silver tongues. Now you can do that, too!

Why is this necessary, you say? Well, I’m only a few weeks away from election day and McCain is ahead of me in the polls, he just reached 50%, a three point lead over me!

Oh yes, we have problems…right here in the Democratic Party. And that’s “Problems” with a capital “P” and that stands for Palin!

Howard Dean didn’t see this one coming. And Axelrod? Well, he didn’t think this was possible. After all, didn’t we smear Hillary enough to scare away any woman who would want to try and break that glass ceiling?

This Oil of O’bama will fix that, though. Just look at the fine job Charlie Gibson did on Palin during her interview on ABC. Yessiree bob, he opened up one of these bottles of Oil of O’bama and shared it with his editors and Voila! Half the interview was left on the cutting room floor. Yup, they made Palin look like she didn’t have a clue as to what she was talking about just by cutting out half of her answers. That’s the beauty of this stuff, it makes it all look so easy!

Buy a bottle for your friends, don’t be afraid to pass it around your college campus because I’m starting to lose some of that youth vote.

I know you guys say you’ll never leave me, and you may think you’re immune to my powers, but you must beware. The next time I pull a stunt like I did with my FISA vote, you’ll want to fortify the brainwashing you received during the Primary. I don’t want to see a repeat of you guys complaining about losing your Constitutional Rights. Once I get elected, I just may re-institute the military draft and you’re going to need my Oil of O’bama to fortify you as you get your draft notices in the mail.

Drink up, people….we’re running out of time and I need to go on vacation.

But then, who would expect any less from the preening, prancing, self-loving Lord Obama when he lowers himself to talk to the dirty masses?

DENVER (Reuters) - Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama’s big speech on Thursday night will be delivered from an elaborate columned stage resembling a miniature Greek temple.

The stage, similar to structures used for rock concerts, has been set up at the 50-yard-line, the midpoint of Invesco Field, the stadium where the Denver Broncos’ National Football League team plays.

Some 80,000 supporters will see Obama appear from between plywood columns painted off-white, reminiscent of Washington’s Capitol building or even the White House, to accept the party’s nomination for president.

He will stride out to a raised platform to a podium that can be raised from beneath the floor.

No, the above statements are not satire. They are real. Thiink about it folks. I’ll wait….

Appropriate to his station in life, The Emperor’s stage will rise well above his adoring crowd of suckers subjects in his own specially designed Parthenon. The Emperor’s speech will be riddled with perfectly timed chants of Oooooooooooooo Baaaaaaaaa Maaaaaaaaaa from the crowd. There will be several perfectly time-released instances of a “member of the crowd” shouting “I LOVE YOU BARACK!”and Obama, chin to the sky, will wait an appropriate 10 seconds before shouting in his best cute,”I LOVE YA RIGHT BACK!” The crowd will roar again as the Emperor once again delays the next teleprompter reading to absorb the worship.

The signs will be pre-made to appear home-made and handed out to select members of the crowd so as to ensure that The Seizer  Caesar is sure to see his name wherever he looks when he deigns to dart his Emperor-eyes away from one of four teleprompters. There may or may not be “fainters,” but this is only a slight possibility because of the suspiciously perfect timing of the fainters early on in his Kingdom formation.

Emperor Obama will carefully time a half dozen seemingly profound, but totally meaningless phrases of hopey and changey and the crowd will go wild with rapture, absorbing His wonderfulness. As the crowd roars, the Emperor will slowly move his head back, chin upwards to the other gods in the sky, eyes at half-mast as he sniffs the rarefied air, ear turned to the crowd as he concurrently drinks and revels in the worship. He will pause, perfectly still and say to himself with the little voice in his head: Yes I am!

He will pause for grapes, fed to him by the toga-clad Obama Girl.

And then…….The Emperor will silently applaud himself in his head.

In the meantime, The Republican video clips will be fully prepared and ready for publication before you can say, “Render Unto The Seizer“.

You are not invited to the toga party afterwards, so get that out of your head. But don’t worry. They didn’t hire out some Hooters gals to dance around for them in appropriate garb. (Well, we can’t be sure…). Obama is saving that for his imagined White House occupation–as he tanks in the polls. But make no mistake. For a Narcissist, that is unimportant. The important thing is….well….is….Him.

Say, I wonder if they bought the Enron fountain of the nekkid man peeing gin for future use?

**Caesar Obama brought to you by the talented Freedom Fairy.

I just thought maybe you might want to take another vacation. Russian troops took some prisoners today and commandeered some USA Humvees in the process.

As you know, Barky, Putin’s poodle, Medvedev, signed an agreement to pull out of Georgia, but goodness, he doesn’t seem to be leaving that country that has fewer residents than the size of the Russian army. He keeps telling us he will leave soon but he just doesn’t keep his promise, I just know he’s dying to talk to you so everybody can kiss and make up.

So Barky, I suggest maybe Jamaica this time.

Then you could call a press conference, make a nice statement about how we need a UN Resolution that Putin can veto. Maybe you might want to give him a call from the sailboat and tell him it’s not nice to be trying to put together the Soviet Union again, but places like Georgia just don’t want to go. You remember the Soviet Union don’t you Barky? Oh that’s right, you were using diapers when they were at their worst, but I just KNOW you read a page about it in your tenth grade the history book, so you’re good to go.

So give him a call. I know he will take your call right away Barky and then pull right out of Georgia just for The One. Right after he finishes falling on the floor holding his stomach and laughing.

What was this you said again Barky–about disarming America? There’s just no end to your brilliance, man! Why don’t you just tell us you are going to hand us right over to your jihad buddies in the Middle East on Day One!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl32Y7wDVDs[/youtube]

All of this kind of reminds me of a time awhile ago, when that Neo Conservative Fascist Dick Armey referred to Barney Frank as “Barney Fag” during a press conference. He lost his mojo after that one. You never saw a “leader” disappear from public view so fast in your life after that. Armey didn’t “mean” to call Barney a fag. He even tried to say is “sounded” like “fag” but wasn’t “really” fag. But the truth is, a video is a video and Dick called Barney Barney Fag. I heard it and saw it live. But I will agree that he didn’t do it on purpose. It was a slip of the tongue. It’s just that Dick was so accustomed to calling Barney that in front of all his compadres over cigars, scotch and guffaws that he forgot where he was.

The same goes for the Neo Liberal Fascist Howard Dean when he referred to the Republican Party as the “White Party” earlier this week.

Apparently, Howard is an honorary black person now, but the truth is, somebody needs to tell Howard that he’s white too. In fact, he’s not only white, but he looks a little pale these days–but we’ll save that for another time.

The thing is, I’m sure The Dirt Ball Who Has Mastered Divisiveness Howard knows he’s white. He also knows he’s not a woman, else he might have done something more than snicker throughout the primaries and pretend he didn’t notice what his Sexist party did to Women in General and Hillary in Particular. His disdain for the “other” gender even shows through in the video below, when he adds women in as an afterthought, as in “Even Women ….are more successful in the Democratic Party”. Coulda fooled me! Screw you Howard. I really think you are an embarrassing buffoon and I hope you don’t go back to practicing medicine on innocent women when we throw you out of the party and restore some dignity and sense of propriety to the party you have bulldozed. “Even women” vote Howard. And believe me, we aren’t staying home on November 4 like Donna suggested. Just so you know.

Like Dick Armey, Barack Obama’s hood ornament Howard Dean didn’t mean to call the Republican Party the White Party. It’s just that Howard Dean and his band of nomination Fixers have been so accustomed to constantly pulling the Race Card for the past year or so, that he forgot where he was.

Here’s Howard having a lapse and thinking he’s over at a DNC Meeting planning the timing of their next Race Card. And here’s Lou Dobbs ripping him a new one by appropriately describing Dean as “Out of touch with issues of gender, race, politics and propriety“. Dobbs made a pretty good argument that Snide Howard doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt I just just gave him.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHH3wrAb-tM[/youtube]

I’m laughing so hard I am practically crying here. What on earth is wrong with Barack Obama? Is he a simpleton? Is he unable to grasp complex problems? Or is it just that he shouldn’t be allowed to speak without a teleprompter?

As you might recall, Manchild Barack Obama has already told us that as President he will expect us to follow his order: “Don’t Drive. Don’t Eat. Freeze Your Butt ala Jimmy Carter Malaise.

Now, according to this turkey, we actually won’t need to drill for oil if only all of us would just inflate our tires.

That’s right folks. You inflate your tires and it will solve our oil problem. We won’t need to drill, because our properly inflated tires will save us the same amount of oil we would garner if we drilled.

I think Powerline says it best:

Barack Obama is a lot like Sean Penn or George Clooney. If you give him a script, he can deliver it pretty well. But if he tries to talk without a script that has been written for him by others, he quickly reveals that he is poorly-informed if not downright ignorant. Today he delivered another classic, by claiming that if only we would all properly inflate our tires, we could save as much gasoline as “all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling.” Seriously:

The stunned silence with which the crowd greets this howler suggests that most Americans have a more practical understanding of energy consumption than Obama.

And here’s the “Howler”:

Warning: Do not drink anything while you are watching this. I wouldn’t want your coffee to come out of your nose or ruin your keyboard or anything:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzZNP4tTfV0[/youtube]

Powerline also did the math, which brings us to the conclusion that without a teleprompter and a pre-written script composed by somebody with an IQ,  Barack Obama is truly a stunningly stupid dimwad. While he prances around the country claiming that people will try to make us afraid of him because he doesn’t look like the guys on our currency, it is becoming glaringly apparent that there is good reason to be afraid of him and it has little to do with his tan:

Properly inflating your tires can improve gas mileage by 3%. Of course, many people already keep their tires properly inflated, and many more are at least close to being properly inflated. Let’s be generous and assume that one-half of the total possible savings would be realized if we all inflated our tires properly; that’s a net gain of 1.5% fuel efficiency.

Americans drive approximately 2,880 miles per year. If we average 24 mpg, we use around 120 billion gallons of gasoline in our vehicles. If, through perfect tire inflation, we improved our collective fuel efficiency by 1.5%, that would be 1.8 billion gallons. A barrel of oil produces around 20 gallons of gasoline, so the total savings available through tire inflation is approximately 90,000,000 barrels of oil annually.

How does this stack up against “all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling?”

ANWR: 10 billion barrels
Outer Continental Shelf: 18 billion barrels (estimated; the actual total is undoubtedly much higher, since exploration has been banned)
Oil shale: 1 trillion barrels

So, on the above assumptions, it would take only 11,308 years of proper tire inflation to equal “all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling.”